dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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