i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
