how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
