Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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