Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
as a side note pls kill me
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