you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
