This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
