The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
