i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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