so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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