i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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