You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
