I wanna passion pit in your ass
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
