I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
