Old men and throwing up are my life now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
