so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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