THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
