That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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