I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
