sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
