Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
