Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
