somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
