How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
