No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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