Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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