i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
