I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
