i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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