I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
