I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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