what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
