im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
