I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
