Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
