More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
