wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
