the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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