Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
