I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
