Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
