Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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