saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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