Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
