What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
