Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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