meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
