You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize