1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
