lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
