YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize