sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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