Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life

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  (816): dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life http://tfl.nu/cejd
  Replies (11) Good night (3438) Bad night (858)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!

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  (402): I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em! http://tfl.nu/ru3y
  Replies (13) Good night (734) Bad night (5788)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.

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  (912): you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler. http://tfl.nu/cu8r
  Replies (9) Good night (4508) Bad night (681)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.

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  (563): He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO. http://tfl.nu/g898
  Replies (22) Good night (901) Bad night (4244)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..

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  (+44): She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave.. http://tfl.nu/u6hz
  Replies (11) Good night (1322) Bad night (4505)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives

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  (703): then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives http://tfl.nu/iy6u
  Replies (8) Good night (3987) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.

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  (606): I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships. http://tfl.nu/4vx4
  Replies (10) Good night (1238) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.

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  (724): For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you. http://tfl.nu/dykx
  Replies (8) Good night (3466) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ......... Poor kitty

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  (208): I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl." (1-208): Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating. (208): ......... Poor kitty http://tfl.nu/dw0s
  Replies (9) Good night (1187) Bad night (1977)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.

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  (216): I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick. http://tfl.nu/pduu
  Replies (9) Good night (612) Bad night (1834)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.

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  (613): I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots. http://tfl.nu/b0ef
  Replies (2) Good night (784) Bad night (490)
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  (707): View more from California

  because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.

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  (707): because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie. http://tfl.nu/erv7
  Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.

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  (920): He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week. http://tfl.nu/0wxx
  Replies (3) Good night (567) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?

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  (515): I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life? http://tfl.nu/joka
  Replies (0) Good night (638) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical

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  (408): If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical http://tfl.nu/decu
  Replies (0) Good night (581) Bad night (289)

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