i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?