Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.