I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.