We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?