man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!