Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country

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(604): View more from British Columbia

He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.

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(914): View more from New York

hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(803): View more from South Carolina

I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.

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(941): View more from Florida

I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family

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(816): View more from Missouri

I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.

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