I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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