To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
