do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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