This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
