Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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