OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
