Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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