i think i have herpe
just one?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
