I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think my moral compass just broke
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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