You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
