Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
